Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
