can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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