sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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