I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
