I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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