yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
