Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
