I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
