how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
