My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
