You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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