all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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