Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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