i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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