i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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