She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
