You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
