oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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