I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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