omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
