Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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