Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
