So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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