I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
