Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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