I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
