Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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