if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
