Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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