just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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