not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
