Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
