I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
