Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
