Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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