i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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