guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
