I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
