I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How external is "for external use only"?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
