thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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