I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
