You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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