so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
