i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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