If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
