Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
