i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
bring money and cleavage
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
