I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
