if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
