I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
