Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
