We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
