I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
