He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
