I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
