I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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