I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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