is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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