I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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