So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
