He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
