***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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