I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
