we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
