Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
