are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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