I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
