Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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