Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
