exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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