He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
