He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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