I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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