My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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