so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
