Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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