I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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