When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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