wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
