STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
