im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
3pm strippers are depressing
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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