I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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