I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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