I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
