maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
