o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
