Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
