I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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