my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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