remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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