her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it hurts more in the daytime
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
