glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I stole a fireplace last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
