dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I still have a little drunk in my system
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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