I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
