Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
