He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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